17 degree courses and 6 short ones, across every department that has so far admitted to teaching.
Every course at King Ethelred’s starts from the record, carries its uncertainty as a tolerance, and ends with something that can be measured. Students leave able to tell a figure from a rumour, which the College regards as the whole of engineering and most of citizenship.
Two students, one Fellow and a problem none of the three has seen before. Interesting is not said in a discouraging way.
Coursework is marked against the record. A conclusion is accepted once it has been applied to the person who reached it.
Placements are available throughout engineering, technology and a number of highly confidential sheds. We cannot say which.
Charged in 978 (ish) with preventing the Realm being taken by surprise before breakfast. Every conclusion reached on these courses is tested by applying it to the person who reached it.
Four years, of which the student is expected to remain in place for three
The College’s oldest continuously stubborn course. Taught by Major (Retd.) MacTavish, whose maxim supplies the first-year syllabus in order. Graduates can read ground, build before they fight and account for the water.
Rorke’s Drift and Jadotville → · The L1A1 rifle → · Helm’s Deep, marked →
Three years
Maps, sovereignty and expeditionary logistics. Students apply every proposed rule symmetrically and re-inspect any that produce a British claim on Calais. Filing practice is taught in the South Atlantic Map Cupboard.
The British Isles briefing → · The Falkland Islands monograph → · Filed Under the Wrong Ocean: the Chagos assessment →
One year, or until it escalates
For ministers, officials and others who push things. The course is assessed on a table, which candidates are advised to inspect first.
The taught core of the College. All courses are delivered in SI units. Arguments about units are assessed.
Four years
Aircraft, propulsion and aerodynamics, with a compulsory long argument about whether a corrugated surface is roughness or geometry. The wind tunnel smells faintly of paraffin and students soon will.
The corrugated wing → · The NATO draught survey → · Some Assembly Required: the drone on the bench →
Three years
Bridges, structures and geotechnics, built to a factor of safety the Bursar has described as a lifestyle. The Trebuchet practical is subject to the permission of Estates. Mr Stobbs has been asked.
The structural survey of the Union → · Two Legs and a Flag: Sealand surveyed →
Four years, and a laboratory deposit payable in Rich Tea
Biscuit mechanics, capillary imbibition and the structural consequences of one more dunk. The load cell still smells faintly of Assam. Students supply their own cup.
Four years
Embedded systems and control, for computers that continue working after somebody turns the Wi-Fi off. Much of the second year concerns a machine that went to the Moon on a few kilobytes of erasable memory and did not complain.
Three years
Combustion, thermodynamics and the lessons London rather forcefully suggested we include. All practical work is assessed on the College risk-assessment form of 1979, as is everything else.
The fusion reactor thesis → · The South Atlantic risk assessment →
Four years, on standby
Resilience, grid frequency, railway leaves and the kettle. Established during a penalty shoot-out. Lectures pause at half time, for reasons the first term explains.
Four years; the fourth is not discussed
Orbital mechanics and hypervelocity systems. The Department has one Fellow, one Professor and one cupboard. Parts of the syllabus are unavailable, including to the people teaching it.
Three years
Power systems, machines and electronics, and the ancient art of discovering the neutral conductor by means other than touch. That last part is examined in writing only.
Three years, weather permitting
Soil mechanics, taught from the seat of a tractor, and the cost of rain. The Department holds that a field is not a purse, and sets this as an essay title every year in the hope that somebody in Whitehall enrols.
The family farm tax study → · Negative Evidence: Kodak and the fallout →
Courses for those who would rather know than be told. Each begins by establishing what the record says and how far the record can be trusted, which in most years takes the whole of the first term.
Three years
Taught by Professor Cuthbert Widdowson-Bligh, who holds the Chair. The Professor replies briefly. Coincidence is on the syllabus but is not examined, as he is not impressed by it.
Three years
Game trees, state spaces and what “solved” actually means. Field trips resumed in 1831 under new inventory rules, after a set of chessmen was handed in on the Isle of Lewis.
Three years, before rebasing
National accounts and the difference between what passes through a country and what stays. Founded to check Domesday’s arithmetic. The Bursar does not teach on this course and has asked that this be recorded.
The Ireland and UK survey → · Two Deals, One Tuesday: the going rate for a base → · Why the French Are Always Revolting →
Three years, in dispute
Domesday folios, place-names and earthworks from the air, each read against the record and then walked on the ground. The Department has one spade, unused, and intends to keep it that way.
One year; the Department was founded on a Tuesday
Machine reasoning, robotics and the difficult problem of making computers understand meeting minutes. The second half of the title is taught by example and requires no equipment. AI702 has been retitled since the machines solved the problem in July 2026, without the Department, in order to cheat.
Taught by the College’s permanent staff, where they have agreed to.
| Course | Taught by | When | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Tea: An Introduction | Mrs Enid Partridge, Senior Common Room | Not running | Mrs Partridge has declined to run a course. The Senior Common Room has asked that people stop asking. |
| Useful Numbers | Miss Honoria Catchpole, Librarian | Thursdays | All of them, including the ones that disagree, which is what a library is for. Anything left behind at the end of the session will be catalogued. |
| Lawn Care for Beginners | Mr Arthur Stobbs, Clerk of Works and Keeper of the Lawn | Attendance is from the path | The Fellows’ Lawn was last dug in 1643 and took until 1911 to get level. There is no practical element, and Mr Stobbs would like it understood that there will not be one. |
| Finding Gerald | Nobody | Oversubscribed since 1998 | A self-guided course, now taken in three dimensions from any desk. Begins in the workshop. No student has yet completed it, although several have come away with exactly the connector they needed. Keep off the lawn. |
| Read the Contract | King Diarmait’s College of Engineering, Bannow Bay | Summer school | Two weeks at our sister college on its own motto. Students are issued a mandate and asked what it says, as distinct from what they would like it to say. |
| Digging | Commandant (Retd.) Devereux-Roche, Baginbun Experimental Landing Station | Runs whatever the weather | The course description, supplied by the Commandant, reads in full: “Dig.” An application to hold it on the Fellows’ Lawn has been refused and is under appeal to the Vice-Chancellor. |
