Everything required for a rigorous academic life, except the degree.
College crest and the title of Minutes of a Meeting Nobody Can Place to the front; the Department’s survey behind the Red Lion to the reverse, bishops included. Holds a pint of tea, which is more than the synod minutes hold. Priced at the Domesday valuation of the village, five shillings, brought forward by the Bursar at a rate he declines to publish. Dishwasher safe. The bishops are not.
College crest and thesis title to the front; MacTavish’s pencil study to the reverse. Suitable for tea, tactical reflection and explaining why walnut possesses moral authority. Walnut not included. A discount is available for ARRSE.co.uk members, subject to the Bursar accepting an internet username as evidence of standing. Priced at the rifle’s overall length in millimetres, which the Bursar regards as a coincidence and the Major as a specification.
Heavyweight navy, embroidered College arms. Standard issue for lectures, laboratories and looking faintly superior near bicycles.
100% cotton with the College arms. For those occasions when a gown would be excessive but anonymity unacceptable.
A commemorative shirt for those who have undertaken a serious and prolonged study of the Battle of Helm’s Deep. College crest over the heart, with the legend in English and Elvish on the reverse, where the enemy will see it. The Elvish has been checked by somebody who can read it. Mr Stobbs still believes it says “keep off the lawn”. 100% cotton. Marked two out of three. Read the assessment →
Traditional six-panel cap. Favoured by rowers, alumni and Fellows pretending they are only briefly outdoors.
Nominal capacity 325 mL ± whatever the potter managed that day. Calibrated for tea, coffee and emergency custard.
A steadfast blend selected to withstand milk, sugar, tutorials and the first fifteen minutes of an 08:30 fluid-mechanics lecture.
Butter biscuits whose structural integrity, dunkability and disappearance rate have all been independently replicated.
Navy and cream, warm and distinguished. Long enough to look properly collegiate; short enough to remain outside rotating machinery.
A lapel-sized assertion of institutional authority. Confers no privileges, although the Porters’ Lodge has not checked recently.
For important paperwork, library books and components that were definitely supposed to leave the laboratory.
Hardback A5, embossed in gold. Because if it wasn’t written down, it didn’t happen; if it was written down, it may yet become a paper.
For water, which the Faculty grudgingly accepts is also a beverage. Keeps liquids cold and opinions at room temperature.
Tea, biscuits and a College mug in a presentation box. The traditional gift for graduations, visiting professors and anyone asked to fix a printer.
The range normally found in any serious university shop, with several items that probably ought not to be.
Issued by a department whose research programme accepts that only one half of the problem is new.
£26.00
Navy silk-effect tie with discreet crowns. Suitable for alumni dinners, interviews and occasions requiring plausible institutional gravitas.
£28.00
A sober black gown with reinforced pockets for chalk, vernier calipers and the emergency custard cream.
Price on application
