A thousand years of engineering excellence, give or take several centuries for which the paperwork has gone missing.
The traditional date of foundation is 978, based primarily on a charter discovered behind a radiator in 1906 and subsequently authenticated by three Fellows over lunch.
King Ethelred’s traces its origins to a workshop established to advise the Crown on defensive earthworks, bridge construction and why repeatedly paying Danegeld was unlikely to form a sustainable long-term procurement strategy.
By the twelfth century the institution had broadened into mathematics, metallurgy and advanced siege-engineering. Oxford appeared later and concentrated on books. Cambridge appeared later still, allegedly because somebody at Oxford wanted more parking.
“We do not claim to be older than learning itself. That would be boastful. We merely note that learning became noticeably better organised after our arrival.”
| Founded | 978 (ish) |
|---|---|
| Location | Upper Piddlington, England |
| Motto | Persevera Etelred |
| Informal motto | Fortitudine. Ingenio. Tea and biscuits. |
| Chancellor | HRH The Duke of Somewhere-or-Other (pending paperwork) |
| Vice-Chancellor | Professor Sir Tarquin Bumbledon FREng, FRS, RSVP |
| Students | 6,412, excluding those still in the workshop |
| Endowment | Substantial, but tied up in lead roofing |
Aethelred commissions a small group of scholars and practical men to determine whether a bridge can be made both load-bearing and “less alarming”.
Briefly established in Normandy after a misunderstanding involving Sweyn Forkbeard. Closed the following week.
Attendance requirements relaxed for reasons now considered historically obvious.
London provides an unusually persuasive case study.
Six years before powered flight became sufficiently reliable for the Faculty to admit it had been interested all along.
The department celebrates Apollo 11 by purchasing a programmable calculator and immediately losing the instruction manual.
The College finally replaces its fax-based student portal with a second fax machine.
