A deliberately impractical collection of practical disciplines.
Aircraft, propulsion, aerodynamics and long arguments about whether a corrugated surface is roughness or geometry. Has lately measured which way a continent leans, and found the instruments in agreement with the weather.
NATO draught thesis → · Corrugated wing thesis → · The drone on the bench →
Embedded systems, operating systems, controls and computers that continue working after someone turns the Wi-Fi off.
Bridges, structures, geotechnics and the Trebuchet Research Group, whose budget has been questioned repeatedly. Has lately surveyed the Union as a building and found the beam.
Combustion, thermodynamics, energy systems and lessons which London rather forcefully suggested we include. Has lately established where all the energy there is comes from, and is waiting for the invoice.
Power systems, machines, electronics and the ancient art of discovering the neutral conductor by means other than touch.
Machine reasoning, robotics, trustworthy AI and the difficult problem of making computers understand meeting minutes, which the computers have lately solved without it.
Hypervelocity systems, orbital mechanics, classified correspondence and Applied Discretion. Has one Fellow, one Professor, one cupboard and, since 2004, one set of drawings it was unable to show anybody. It has now shown them.
Soil mechanics, drainage, the cost of rain and the reading of brown envelopes. Founded thirteen years after the College, when the King’s assessor rode up the lane to count the hides for the first Danegeld; the College had until then regarded its forty hides as a garden. Holds that a field is not a purse, that the return on land is the weather’s to give and the Treasury’s to take, and that of the two the weather has the better record for consistency. Keeps the College’s register of taxes on things, which the Bursar is not allowed to read after lunch. Teaches soil mechanics from the seat of a tractor, which it has lately priced, and found to count toward the allowance if owned and to eat the income if not.
National accounts, flow measurement, purchasing-power parity and the difference between what passes through a country and what stays. Founded to check Domesday’s arithmetic, reconstituted when the Bursar heard the word “IMF” on the wireless, and given its Nerves in July 2016 by one Irish growth figure. Maintains a sister department at Bannow Bay.
Ireland and UK survey → · The Bursar’s comparison → · Two deals, one Tuesday → · Always revolting →
Domesday folios, place-names, standing stones, earthworks from the air and claims made on the internet, each read against the record and walked on the ground. Founded with the College and in dispute ever since. Its early quarrels were with Culcheth, which it regards as settled, and with the Danes, which it regards as ongoing. Holds that an index is not a folio, that lidar shows what was built and not what was fought, and that the nearest bar is a legitimate variable. Has one spade, unused.
Biscuit mechanics, capillary imbibition, cup-to-mouth transfer and the structural consequences of one more dunk. The Department’s load cell still smells faintly of Assam.
Game trees, state spaces, chess, draughts and what “solved” actually means. Mislaid a full set of walrus-ivory chessmen on a twelfth-century field trip to the Isle of Lewis; they were handed in in 1831, and the Department has not been allowed to forget it.
Resilience, kettles, railway leaves, grid frequency and other hostile operating environments. Established during a penalty shoot-out and on standby ever since.
College tradition holds that in 978 (ish) the Crown charged Ethelred’s with advising on engines, bridges, roads, harbours, walls, fortifications, stores, navigation and such other practical matters as might prevent the Realm being taken by surprise before breakfast. No charter survives, which is convenient for everyone concerned. Three departments continue the mandate, and each is required to test its conclusions by applying them to the person making them.
Infantry systems, field craft, fortification and the doctrinal significance of walnut. Maintains that most strategic problems can be addressed with a rifle, a brew and not moving.
1066 review → · L1A1 SLR thesis → · Falklands arithmetic → · South Atlantic risk assessment → · Rorke’s Drift and Jadotville → · Helm’s Deep, marked →
Maps, sovereignty, expeditionary logistics and the South Atlantic Map Cupboard. Applies every proposed rule symmetrically and re-inspects any that produce a British claim on Calais.
Falkland Islands monograph → · British Isles briefing → · The Chagos assessment →
Sanctions, dominoes, alliance management and the Bursar’s escalation register. Advises ministers to inspect the table before pushing anything on it.
Closed-return, low-speed tunnel used for aerodynamic teaching and research. Still bears a small dent from an incident that the 1986 annual report describes only as “enthusiasm”.
Hydraulic test frames, structural rigs and several pieces of equipment with green paint and no surviving manufacturer.
High-performance computing, secure development and a kettle whose control system has 99.999% availability.
Engineering standards, journals, archival drawings and a complete run of Proceedings of Things That Seemed Like a Good Idea.
Established 1169. Motto: Fortitudine. Ingenio. Read the contract. The College’s sister institution across the water, with which it has shared examiners, a boat and one long-running procurement dispute since the twelfth century.
Founded at Bannow Bay in 1169 when a deposed King of Leinster engaged a body of Norman contractors to restore him, on terms that included the hand of his daughter and, it later emerged, most of the country. The Department has taught contract review ever since, on the grounds that somebody should have. The original project remains open.
Passage East School of Maritime Scaling & Mission Creep (1170). Baginbun Experimental Landing Station (1170), where a small force proved that a ditch, a bank and a herd of cattle will hold a headland for as long as the paperwork lasts. Crooke Office of Royal Oversight (1171), established when the King arrived to see what his contractors had done with his licence, and still auditing. Portlaw Institute of Industrial Engineering & Model Villages (1825).
Baginbun’s joint paper on Rorke’s Drift and Jadotville →
King Diarmait’s College is as fictional as King Ethelred’s. The landing, the contract and the daughter are not.
